Musings Between Chapters 21 and 22

…because reading Twilight is like taking a sitz bath in concentrated sulfuric acid while listening to Fall Out Boy.

I apologize in advance for this reversion to scatological humor, but don’t tell me this hasn’t been bugging you.

So I was just thinking. Bella forgot to ask a question that has been plaguing me ever since I started reading this book. Do vampires poop? I mean they’re so perfect and beautiful. They obviously eat the sweet innocent flesh of virgins. So where does this meat go after ingestion by said beautiful sparkly vampires? Does it magically teleport into the land of sparkles and unicorns where it is converted into gumdrop rivers? Or is this a secret the author doesn’t want to disclose, for the fear of destroying her Victorian era idealist story of forbidden love? Does she not want to let us know that Edward shits in the woods? Is vampire poop actually made up of solid (or liquid) chunks of pure evil which, if you touch them, turn you into smoking piles of ash? This is what I’m going to assume unless, upon further reading, it is made clear to me.